What would my boyfriend do?

Think of any common situation.

A dinner party. Taking a drive in your car. Seeing your significant other's father in his underwear for the first time.

What would you do? How would you behave?

I'm starting this blog because, when it comes to my boyfriend, the answer is always the same: ridiculously.

He eats sandwiches by the loaf. He licks my eyeballs to check if I'm crying during movies. He drops his pants in public places. He brings beer and kielbasa sandwiches to the movies. He meows at unsuspecting children, and their parents. He throws politically incorrect commentary into serious conversations. He owns a head lamp. He tells the homeless to get a job. He jogs with a water backpack and short shorts. He drives with his foot out the window. He reads with a Garfield bookmark. He loves to give piggy-back rides. He takes photos with absolute strangers. He'd do anything for a Polish sausage. He catches garters at weddings. He asks people with large dogs how much for a ride. And when he first accidentally got a glimpse of my dad in his briefs during the first week we dated, he says, "I should have brought my camera. I could have made a calendar!"

As someone who is usually quiet, typically reserved and unimposing on others, I admire his ability to stir the shit. Without even trying.

I also find myself covering my face with embarrassment often - the red-faced kind that can only occur when your boyfriend turns to the entire crowd at a ShamWow presentation at a fair and yells out, "Does it replace tampons?"

Which is why I'm starting this blog.

For all those times this "special" specimen (strategically-placed quotation marks) has made me think, "Somebody should write this shit down!"

I imagine this blog will take several different directions, depending on how much time I have and which stories I choose to share. Eventually, it will probably become a little chronicle of our relationship, our differences, and also the things that bring us together.

And which make us laugh.

So, here goes.

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Sneaky disclosure: My boyfriend has no idea I am starting this blog. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. My reasons are that (a) I don't want to encourage him to be any more outrageous; I want this to be a true representation of how he naturally behaves, and (b) I plan on sending him the link to this blog once I have a lot of "evidence" together about his wacky nature. He's a total attention whore, and will appreciate the posts.

Technical stuff: Throughout this blog, I will refer to my boyfriend by his nickname, LO ("Little One"). It's really not as sweet as it sounds. We both refer to each other as "Little Bitch" in person - LO is what we use around family and friends when we're trying to be "proper".

More about me: In case you think I'm a douchebag - or get tired of reading about my boyfriend (impossible!!) - check out my personal blog here.

Happy reading.